


In my veins

by TheWolves24



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Drama, F/M, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-18 03:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13091193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWolves24/pseuds/TheWolves24
Summary: Hermione didn't realize when she had started to notice him. Or started to care. But, she did.Set in sixth year.





	1. Chapter 1

_**"Hatred, which could destroy so much, never failed to destroy the man who hated, and this was an immutable law."** _

-James Baldwin

* * *

Hermione wasn't sure.

Wasn't sure when she had started to care.

Or when she started to notice him.

Maybe it was when they spotted him in the robe shop with his mother? The bleak and disturbed look on his face had somewhat drug her in.

She wanted..

She _wanted_ to know what demons lay behind that stoic mask.

Closing her eyes, she gripped the pages of her potions book. A snicker behind her signaled that Malfoy had cracked another joke at one of her classmates expense.

And there he was.

The mask.

It befell his face about 90% of the time. It shielded his emotions, clouded over his facial expressions, withered them down to nothing but a smirk or a sneer.

But then, there was the other 10% of the time.

When he would be sitting at lunch, and would just laugh at a joke, Hermione would watch as a strange, foreign emotion would flit across his eyes. It was brief and fleeting, almost not noticeable, for those who didn't pay attention.

But she _was_.

Had been since that ghostly expression in the dress shop.

Ever since her best friend Harry Potter had mumbled the words that he might be a death eater.

For some reason, when he muttered those syllables Hermione felt a brief moment of breathlessness. She had never thought of Draco Malfoy capable of doing something so foolish. But then again, she knew nothing about him.

His father was a death eater.

But, that didn't make _him_ one.

From that moment on, she watched him. All the little quips, harsh words, nasty smiles, bullying.

She watched it all.

And, in conclusion, it all left her feeling extremely bad for him.

He was so lost it almost made her want to weep.

Blast Lucius Malfoy. He had made sure that his son was a bastard.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she took a deep breath.

Turning, she chanced a glance in his general direction, he was currently looking down at his own Potions book, pale fingers drumming on the page. His eyebrows were knitted together, his grey eyes distant.

 _Distance_.

Another emotion.

Hermione flipped open her notebook and wrote that down.

There was a list that she wrote down, she had at least five terms written down now.

Malice.

Hatred.

Sadness.

Confusion.

Distance.

Closing the notebook again, she turned her head back once more. He was now staring forward, his eyes holding their usual glassy hue. Sighing in disappointment, she faced the front of the classroom again.

* * *

"Hermione?" Harry said to her, snapping her out of her strange thoughts regarding a certain blonde haired Slytherin.

"Yes, Harry?" She asked him, meeting his green eyes.

"You just look out of it. Is everything alright?"

Smiling, she nodded her head, scraping her fork across her peas. Across from her Ron was shoveling food into his mouth. Smirking, she scooped up some of her own food and chowed down.

Harry and Ron were starting to talk about Quidditch now, and she completely drowned them out. A shriek on the other side of the room, in the direction of the Hufflepuffs and the Ravenclaws made her turn around, seeing what the noise was.

A small Hufflepuff girl was covered in what looked like mashed potatoes, was crying in her seat. Hermione's eyes trailed to the Slytherin table, pinpointing the ones giggling.

Crabbe, Pansy, and Goyle.

They were cackling with laughter, slapping each others hands.

Hermione glared at them, annoyed that they were so cruel to others.

She did notice though, that Malfoy was _not_ laughing, if anything, a foreign emotion was on his features now.

Annoyance.

Hermione stared at him, watching for a sneer or a little chuckle. He seemed tense, uncomfortable.

Very odd.

An older Hufflepuff walked over to the young girl and helped her up, escorting her out of the Great Hall. The whole house was now glowering at the Slytherins. Usually, this house got on pretty well with everybody, but there were bad seeds in every house. Crabbe and Goyle were just imbeciles. Everyone knew that.

The emotion that was on Malfoys face was no longer there.

The same cold sneer was back in its place.

Sighing, she turned and tuned back into the conversations around her. She needed to remember to write down that new emotion down in her notebook.

Dinner was over, and she had a Potions essay to write. Professor Snape had been loading them down for some odd reason, you'd think for a man who absolutely despised all the children at Hogwarts, except for his own house of course, that he would get tired of grading their essays.

Hermione glanced at her watch, it was now 7:30. She hoped no-one else was in the library, she didn't want to fight anyone for a table.

Poking her head in, she listened for any noise.

Silence.

Good.

Trodding through, she gave a little hello to Madame Pince.

Hermione was browsing, relishing in the smells of the books that filtered up through her nostrils. The old bindings crackled under her fingertips, making her smile.

This was her heaven.

She plucked a few up volumes of books that would assist her and plopped herself down at one of the back tables.

A few minutes through jotting down a few notes, a little cough caught her attention. Looking to the table that was not in her line of vision, she glimpsed a bit of light blonde hair.

Malfoy.

 _Great_. She did not want a run in with him.

If she was quiet enough, maybe he wouldn't notice her. Watching him, he suddenly stood, a book tucked under his arm.

Great.

Shoving her head down, she continued to write.

A little chuckle made her glance up, and then roll her eyes.

Yes, luck was definitely _not_ on her side.

"Look who it is." Malfoy said, moving his book from one arm to the other.

'Ignore him Hermione. _Ignore_ him.'

"Nothing to say, Mudblood?"

The hateful word made her grit her teeth. Sighing, she looked up, glaring at him.

"Malfoy. I am busy, don't you have anything else to do?"

Cold.

His eyes were like grey ice cubes glowering down at her.

His sneer was prominently placed, as always.

She looked down at the pages again, finding a word to center on while he smirked at her.

Suddenly, he snatched up what she was reading and knocked it to the floor.

What an immature little brat.

She snapped her head up to his and glared at him. "Listen Malfoy, could you take your childish antics elsewhere, there are some people here that actually care about their academics!"

"But you're so fun to mess with, Granger." He sneered.

Hermione grit her teeth, then suddenly thought of something.

Sneering herself, she reached up and touched his hand, gripping the left cuff to his shirt.

Malfoys sneer diminished, and he ripped his hand away, backing away slowly.

"What the ruddy hell do you think you're playing at mudblood. Don't you ever think you can touch me again!"

That did it.

Hermione figured he'd back off if she elicited a little force.

Watching him storm away, she wondered why he had reacted so strangely when she touched his left arm?

Maybe he...?

No.

There's no way he'd be that stupid.

Sighing, she bent down and plucked up the book that he immaturely tossed onto the floor.

Going back to studying, she thought of his sneer. How did he always manage to keep it placed so well? She had seen it slip a few times, she wondered how he would look if he actually smiled.

Her mind was wandering to some dangerous places. What would her friends say if they knew she had taken an interest in Malfoys mental state?

They'd think she had gone bloody mad.

That was it, she was bloody mad.

* * *

The morning came slowly, the dawn creeping in through her window. Blinkingly she opened her brown eyes, relishing in the warmth of the rays.

It would be a beautiful day.

In the Great Hall, she plopped herself down at the empty table, being an early bird had its perks. Most of the kids that came down for breakfast were in dreadful moods. Ron being one of them.

Searching in her satchel, she grabbed the book she was studying last night for potions. Removing her book-mark she found the place she had left off.

Draco walked the hallways, feeling his stomach protest his hunger. Yawning, he kicked at the ground, annoyed that he had lost another night of sleep.

Damn his task.

It kept him awake at nights, he was always worried, and doubtful of his capabilities to fulfill it.

He wondered if he had it in him to be a murderer.

The Great Hall was pretty much empty, save for a few Hufflepuffs, Gryffindors and Ravenclaws. His silver eyes scanned the benches, finally stopping on a bushy-haired girl.

Granger.

Of course she would be up.

Hermione was distracted suddenly by the Great Halls doors being opened. Draco Malfoy shuffled in, blowing in a cold draft in doing so.

Maybe it wasn't a draft. Maybe it was just Draco Malfoy himself.

Her brown eyes ran over him, noticing he was considerably paler today. His face seemed a little sunken in, especially below his unusual eyes.

 _Odd_.

Exhaustion.

That was another emotion that flitted across his face. In a rush, Hermione reached into her satchel, grabbing her notebook and flipping it open to her secret page. She scribbled down this word and glanced back up at the Slytherin.

Why wasn't he sleeping?

Why was she concerned about it? She had other things in her life that needed her attention, and that spoiled brat was not one of them. No matter what, Hermione decided to only observe and to not instigate, or try to talk to him about any of this.

I mean, where would it get her anyway, did she really think that Draco Malfoy would ever open up to her?

It would be a cold day in hell.

Sighing, she shoved her notebook back in her bag and went back to reading the last chapter in the Potions book.

* * *

Ron and Harry sat beside her in Defense against the Dark Arts. They were focused on what their Professor was saying. They were on the subject of mutilating curses, which was somehow still in the curriculum.

Why would that be?

If the unforgivables weren't allowed, she figured that these would be as well. She was wrong.

The whole lesson was causing her to fidget in her chair, the uncomfortable vibe was swallowing her whole. The boys however, were completely enthralled.

They would be.

They both had intended to be aurors after school was over, they had always talked about it.

Hermione though, she didn't want to always stand in the darkness, she wanted to make a difference in the magical world, without having to put her life on the line to do so.

Halfway through class, Hermione's eyes drifted over to the Slytherin part of the room. They looked completely interested in this subject as well. Hmm, probably so they could test the spells on some unfortunate student.

Hermione felt a chill run up her spine, looking into the faces of the hefty Crabbe and Goyle.

Malfoy was also staring intently at the professor, his eyes cold and impassive, as usual.

"Alright everybody! Now that my speech giving is over, I want everybody to pair up. I want us to practice little samples of these spells."

Hermione opened her mouth, about to ask how they were supposed to do that without tearing each others limbs off. The teacher than conjured up a wooden object and flicked his wand at a small spot, making a little scratch.

Professor Warwick smiled at his example and turned to his students. "See, just a little scratch. And after, I want you all to come up to my desk and grab this ointment to erase the cut. Understood?"

The students were whispering amongst themselves, excited to practice this.

Clapping his hands, Professor Warwick got everyone's attention again.

"Now. I know most of the Gryffindors and Slytherins will pair up with members from their own houses, but unfortunately that's not what I want to happen, so I took it upon myself to pair you up."

No.

NO.

The two sides of the room turned to glare daggers at each other.

Perfect.

"Mr. Weasley, I want you with Miss Parkinson."

Ron put his head on the desk, groaning.

"Mr. Potter, I want you with Mr. Goyle."

Harry glared over at the burly teenager, now cracking his knuckles.

"Mr. Malfoy, I want you with Miss Granger."

NO!

Shooting her hand into the air, her eyes wide, she knew that this would end dreadfully.

"Yes. Miss Granger?"

"I'm sorry sir, but Malfoy and I cannot work with each other."

Malfoy glowered at her, she could feel his stare burn into her skull.

"Miss Granger, I assure you I will be keeping a very close watch on my class. Now please, take your seat by Mr. Malfoy."

She sat for a moment longer, looking at her friends horrified expressions.

She was walking to her death.

Plopping down at Malfoys desk, she scooted as far to the left as she possibly could. The blonde boy said nothing to her, just wiped the spot that she had touched beside him.

The movement did not go unnoticed by her, and she clutched her wand, itching to curse him into oblivion.

"Now that everyone is together, I want you to begin. Remember! A small cut! If anything more, I will personally see to your punishment."

The threat was called out, and all the teenagers stood, still glowering at their partners.

Hermione raised her wand, wanting to slice his stupid smirk off his features.

"On the arm!" Professor Warwick shouted to a pair of partners that were going for the face.

"You first Malfoy." She gritted out.

He smirked and held his wand up, he moved it in a slicing motion so fast, she didn't even realize there was a cut on her face until she touched the tingling sensation on her chin.

Bloody git.

He'd regret it.

It was her turn now.

She moved her wand up, slicing it in his own direction. A small incision graced his cheek, making her smile. The line was barely there, not even deep enough to draw blood, but for some reason, the cut on her chin was?

Professor Warwick came over to them, glaring.

"I thought I told you to aim at the arms. Ten points from each of your houses for not listening to instructions!"

Hermione sighed, but still confused as to why his cut on her skin was deeper to that of hers on his skin.

"Professor."

He turned, looking at her.

"Why is his cut deeper than mine?"

"I'm glad you asked that, Miss Granger."

Turning to his class, he started to speak. "When there is a cut that isn't deep, one that barely breaks the skin, it means that your feelings for this person are clearly not  malicious."

Hermione felt her heart beat escalate. Draco Malfoy was now sneering in her direction, but malice was not in his eyes...she could of swore she saw a questionable emotion cross his features.

She'd have to remember to write that down.

How bloody embarrassing.

* * *

"So that's why he decided to pair us with the Slytherins." Ron said to them at lunch, his mouth full of food.

Hermione shrugged her shoulder, "I still don't believe that the curriculum allows him to let us perform those kinds of spells on each other. What if someone accidentally cuts too deeply, or severs something important?"

Harry shook his head. "There's a ward placed on the classroom when those kinds of lessons are being performed. Professor Lupin told me so in our third year."

It made sense.

"The wards don't allow any kind of extremely dangerous spell/or curse to be used."

Ron looked at him in question, "But what about Mad-Eye? Remember when he performed the unforgivables?"

Hermione scooped up a spoonful of soup, "Well, he probably took them down. He was a death-eater in disguise."

She was so glad that her friends didn't bring up the events around Malfoy's cut and why hers wasn't that deep compared to the blonde's.

She honestly didn't know why. It frightened her, maybe this little study session with his emotions was starting to get to her.

Which was not a good thing.

After the class was over, she still saw the questionable look on Malfoys features, when his eyes flicked to hers, she saw that emotion disappear, and all that was left was hatred.

What was wrong with her?

Why did she want to know what lay behind those guarded irises?


	2. Chapter 2

_**The darkest souls are not those which choose to exist within the hell of the abyss, but those which choose to break free from the abyss and move silently among us.** _

* * *

It had been a few days since the scene in the classroom. Hermione was glad that they hadn't been paired together again, unfortunately Harry and Ron had been his partners by now. Three fights, and two detentions was now floating between the three men.

Boys.

They didn't always have to react with their fists.

Hermione was tired as she trudged to her dorm room, it had been a long and exhausting day. Potions was just awful, Professor Snape was in another horrendous mood. Neville had caused another explosion, making the Slytherin side of the classroom burst out in uncontrollable laughter.

She glowered at the ring leader.

Draco Malfoy.

He seemed to be even more malicious after the scene in the classroom.

_Why?_

She hadn't noticed anything different about him over the last few days. Which for some reason, brought her down. Hermione liked to think that when she caught those instances where he kind-of let his guard down, he was somewhat human.

And then, he would resort to being an arrogant swat.

It was bewildering to her.

Ron and Harry were moping in the common room, their detentions in just a few minutes.

"Merlin, Professor Warwick never looked so angry before." Ron said to Harry, moving his chess piece across the board.

"Well Ronald, you were fighting in his classroom."

Shrugging, Ron chuckled, "Yeah well, it was nice to punch that little ferret across the face. He deserves that and more."

Harry agreed. "The little death-eater seems even more hateful these days."

Hermione drew in a breath. "Harry. That was rather bold of you to say. What if someone in here spreads that around?"

The green-eyed boy looked up and her and just lifted his shoulder.

How could he be so nonchalant about that?

"Malfoy deserves a ruined reputation, after what he puts everyone else through, Hermione."

The teenage girl didn't understand men sometimes.

Hate just begets more hate.

At least, that's what she was raised to believe.

He went back to his chess game, and she knew she could say nothing to make him understand the trouble Malfoy would be in if that rumor got around.

Sitting down, she opened up her Care of Magical Creatures book, starting on her essay for the Unicorn and its origins.

* * *

Blasted. It was 9 o'clock, why didn't she think to retrieve this book after dinner? Madame Pince would be extremely angry if she found out that Hermione had broken into the library.

But, honestly, she had been doing it for years.

Walking up to the wooden entry way, she pointed her wand at the door and mumbled the password.

Why hadn't Madame Pince thought to change it?

It swung open, the darkness of the room now surrounded her.

Eerie.

Pulling her wand out, she whispered lumos.

As she browsed over the Magical Creature section a noise near the restricted section made her stop walking and turn around. Straining her ears to listen, suddenly a hand flew out of the darkness and clapped itself over her mouth.

"Scream Granger, and I'll give you a deeper scratch." The voice hissed, threatening her.

Malfoy.

Struggling against him, she finally wiggled herself to where she could look into his face.

Cold.

He was just cold. His eyes were glaring down at her, revulsion etched in the tiny lines towards her being so close.

"What in the world do you think you're playing at Malfoy!?"

He raised a brow at her, not answering her question.

He had scared the life out of her. What did he think he was doing, strutting about in the dark?

"Are you going to answer me?" She whispered to him, growing more annoyed by the minute.

"I don't have to respond to your question Granger, I think it's laughable that you thought I actually _would_."

"Well, why attack me then?"

He smirked, shining the light into her face more. "I did not attack you Granger, if I had, well, you'd be unconscious right now. Or dead."

That remark sent a chill through her.

"What about you Granger, did you follow me in here?"

Rolling her eyes, she backed away from him a little bit, creating distance. "Don't flatter yourself Malfoy, I came in here to grab a book to finish my report."

Malfoy snickered darkly, "You really don't have any kind of life do you, Granger?"

She glared and turned her back.

The darkness was pressing against her, and she just wished that she could return to her dorm room.

A hand reached out and gripped her arm, spinning her back around.

"I was speaking to you Granger, it's disrespectful to walk away in the middle of a conversation. Did those muggle parents of yours teach you nothing?"

" _Conversation_?" She seethed, "You are the one who's talking, and I am the one who is choosing not to listen."

She wriggled his hand, but it wouldn't budge from her bicep.

"Let me go you bully!"

He sneered, flinging her away from him.

Bully huh?

She rubbed the spot that he was just gripping, feeling the little bruises that would probably be there tomorrow.

The term bully did elicit a response from the Slytherin.

Surprise.

How had that term surprised him? He had to have known that that's what people thought of him and his 'friends.'

"Don't you have someone to torture, Malfoy?" She bit out at him.

"What do you think I'm doing here with you, Mudblood?"

Gritting her teeth, she tightened her fists, she hated when he called her that name.

"I have my own question Malfoy, and then I'll answer yours."

Silence.

"Who taught you that word?"

Raising an eyebrow at her, he thinned his lips out.

"The word Mudblood that is. Who taught you such a disgusting thing to say to another human being? Does it not effect you at all that that term hurts someone?"

Grinning in a sadistic manner, he stepped towards her. "Oh, have I hurt the mudbloods feelings?"

Hermione just stood there and watched as satisfaction floated across his face.

"No Malfoy. It doesn't hurt my feelings. It actually makes me think on who I am. I have no shame being a...mudblood. I do hold shame for the person who wields such a powerful term as a weapon. It just goes to show that you lack what it takes to understand other people. You are so holed up in your pureblood prejudice that it's rather _pathetic_."

Shock.

Another emotion that got past the wall of ice guarding his features.

She knew she struck a nerve.

"I pity you Malfoy."

In an instant, he gripped her arm, and shoved her against one of the bookshelves, getting in her face.

"I don't need your pity Granger, and I don't give a damn what you or your pathetic little friends think of me or my family. You don't know anything about me, or my parents."

"And you don't know anything about me or _my_ parents, yet you pass judgement on me all the time. Way to contradict yourself Malfoy. You're angry at me for speaking the truth, nothing more." She shot back at him. 

He tightened his grip at her words, his eyes ablaze with anger.

Hermione didn't break the contact, she was _not_ afraid of him.

Finally releasing her, he glowered at her one last time, and then exited the library, leaving her alone to contemplate what just happened.

It was very rare, but she had managed to shut Draco Malfoy up for good. Triumphant, she had emerged the winner on this one.

But she didn't feel like a winner. She hated that she had to stoop to his level, and resort to name-calling to get anything across to him. Draco Malfoy was nothing but a spoiled little boy floating in hatred, and animosity.

And now, it wounded his pride that someone else had seen that.

 _Good_.

* * *

The following morning was dreary, dark clouds floated through the sky, close to bursting. The Gryffindor Quidditch team was supposed to be having tryouts today, but that was not going to happen. Usually, they would fly in the rain, but due to a little accident the last time, they had lost their privilege.

Hermione sat in her room, looking out at the bleak weather.

She had gotten a rather decent grade on her Unicorn report, but she wanted more than just 'satisfactory.' It was all Malfoy's fault, he had attacked her, argued with her, and distracted her for the rest of the evening, leaving her thoughts to center on him, instead of the paper.

Arse.

Ginny was sitting on the bed with her, staring out as well.

"I was looking forward to the try-outs." She said to the older Gryffindor.

Hermione smiled at her and patted her hand, "I'm sure it would have been exciting. I guess they'll postpone it for later."

"Well, Slytherin has the pitch for a few days next week, they're going against Ravenclaw next Friday. It should be quite a good match, Ravenclaw has gotten a lot better."

Sigh, Quidditch.

And they said reading was boring.

* * *

Classes for the day were fairly simple, no arguments arose, there was no fighting, it was calm, peaceful.

Or maybe Hermione had just thought and _spoke_ too soon.

She was foolish to think that the tranquility would last for even a day.

At dinner, when everyone was close to retiring up to their rooms, there was a sudden screaming behind her. Hermione and the rest of the table turned to see what the chaos was.

Pansy Parkinson.

She was wailing like a cow in her seat, Draco Malfoy was staring at her with wide eyes.

Shock.

"What's her bloody problem?" Ron asked Hermione.

"Like I'd know Ron, I don't talk to that girl."

"Pug-faced Parkinson." Seamus said, making Dean snicker beside him.

Malfoy wanted to throttle the girl who was deliberately making herself look like an utter fool. She was causing a scene, and it was starting to make him angry.

"Pansy. You're a lady, compose yourself as such." He chided her, flaring his nostrils at her in irritation.

She glared at him, and stood up, almost knocking her food off the table.

"Draco Malfoy, don't you dare tell me to compose myself!"

"Oh man." Ron laughed, spooning some jello into his mouth, "This is getting rather exciting."

Everyone was staring at them.

"How could you dump me? At dinner?!"

Hermione looked to Malfoy, who if he could, would probably strangle the girl right there.

"If you don't shut your bloody face, I'll shut it for you." He said to her, dangerously.

The room erupted in little gasps, making the teachers at the head table stand up.

Severus Snape looked rather bored, he was probably used to the fights that the Slytherins probably had on a daily basis.

Hermione felt her skin crawl, the sound of the ice in his voice making her relive their moment in the library.

Pansy started to wail, covering her eyes, and sprinting from the room. Hermione watched her run out, and felt a mix of guilt and humor wash over her. Malfoy had completely humiliated her. But then again, Pansy wasn't the nicest person to Hermione or anybody else for that matter.

Looking across the way again, Hermione looked into his face, and saw humiliation.

He took in a deep breath and clutched the fork in his hand. Closing his eyes, he started to twirl it around some pasta that was on his platter.

Suddenly, as if he sensed her, he snapped his head up, his grey orbs connecting with her brown ones.

His eyes didn't turn back to their icy hue. Instead, he just stared at her, his eyes expressionless, but not distant as they _usually_ were.

Confusion.

Hermione pulled her eyes away from his and turned around.

Why had he looked at her that way?

The Gryffindor table was talking about what had just happened with Pansy.

"Well I think that Malfoy might have someone on the side, and that's why he dumped Pansy."

"Who would want to _date_ Draco Malfoy? He's a right git."

Ron was red-faced from laughing at the blonde-haired boy. Harry was grinning as well, and Neville was staring down at his plate, one side of his mouth curled up. Everyone else was gossiping.

Hermione, unlike them, did not find it fun to find the hilarity in someone else's misery. They might as well be sitting with the Slytherins.

Turning back around, she noticed that the Slytherin boy in question was gone.

Swallowing, she waited for a moment, and then excused herself.

The halls were empty.

Hermione was walking back to the Gryffindor Common Room when harsh whispering caught her ears. Crying following soon after.

She turned the corner and hid herself in one of the alcoves.

The voices became louder, until they were shrill. It was Pansy.

A male voice broke through, that was Malfoy. They must be discussing what just happened.

Hermione strained her ears.

"B-But why Draco?"

"I have told you why! Don't you listen? After everything that I have to do, you think I have time to juggle you as well. You're being selfish Pansy."

Silence.

" _I_ _'m_ selfish?" A harsh whisper.

Silence.

" _You_ are the selfish one! You are one of the most selfish men I've ever had the displeasure of meeting, Draco!"

Silence.

"Why must you make this harder than it has to be Pansy? We weren't even official yet."

"B-But we, we-"

"Yes, we did. And it was fun, and amazing, but I have to end it now." He interrupted her.

Hermione almost gagged at the thought of those two shagging.

Crying.

She poked her head out and watched as Pansy sprinted down the hall, covering her face.

Poor girl.

Suddenly, Malfoy turned around, his eyes immediately connecting with hers.

Oh no.

Hermione gasped and moved to get out of the alcove and go to Gryffindor tower. Draco Malfoy though, was way too fast.

He reached out and grabbed her wrist.

"Let go Malfoy!"

His grip was tight and she couldn't help but wince.

"Enjoy the show, Granger?" He ground out.

"Of course not. I was coming out to see- to see-"

What was she coming out to see?

"Don't tell me you came out to see if I was alright, Granger." He sneered, tightening his hold ever more.

"Let me go! You're hurting my hand!"

Glaring, he flung her away from him, she stumbled but did not fall.

"Actually I was going up to my common room and I heard voices! It wasn't my fault that I saw you two!"

"You are ridiculous Granger, can't you admit when you've done something wrong? You were eavesdropping, and no-one was standing there _making_ you do it."

Her face flushed at the horrid realization that he was _right_.

Jerk.

"I-I-"

"You've been getting on my nerves more often than usual, Granger, if I were you I'd just stay the hell out of my way, do you understand that?"

The malice in his tone made her cringe.

She glared at him, and watched as he spun on his heel, gliding away. His hands were shoved in his pockets, neck hung low.

Sighing, she brushed a stray hair out of her face.

Loneliness.

That's what she had seen pass his face before he had turned around.

* * *

Another chapter. I hope you liked it.


	3. Chapter 3

_**"But my dreams, they aren't as empty...As my conscious seems to be..."** _

_**-Behind Blue Eyes** _

* * *

Hogsmeade weekend was upon the students rather quickly. Hermione was excited, she was ready to take a little break and get away from the confusion that engulfed her at Hogwarts.

Ron and Harry were at breakfast on Saturday morning, dressed in their warmer clothes, talking about what should take place at practice, and what exactly they were looking for in another player.

Hermione touched Ron's shoulder, squeezing in beside him.

"Morning Hermione." The boys said in unison.

She nodded her head, and pulled a plate of bacon and poached eggs to her chest.

"Are we all in agreeance on Hogsmeade today?" She asked her friends as she scooped food onto her plate.

The boys frowned at her, looking at each other.

"Actually Hermione, we were going to hold our Quidditch Practice today. Since, the rain was so bad yesterday, we have a chance to get out there and get these try-outs done." Harry said to her, scraping his plate with his fork, softly.

Disappointment crossed her features.

"Um, alright." She said.

They apologized, but she decided to just shrug it off lightly.

After breakfast, she scanned the Gryffindor table, looking for someone who would go with her.

Neville.

Walking over to him, she smiled and noticed the Herbology book he was holding. "Hello Neville."

"Hey Hermione. How are you?"

"I'm well. Neville I was wondering if you'd like to go with me to Hogsmeade? The boys are holding Quidditch try-outs and I was really looking forward to getting some fresh air. I wanted to check out a few things at some of the stores."

His smile wavered, "I can't today Hermione, I promised Madame Sprout that I would help her plant some magical daffodils. They're rather fascinating, they give off this spray when they're upset, or dying. It'll knock you unconscious..."

He was starting to ramble.

Hermione smiled at him, and laughed, disappointment at the surface again.

"That's quite alright, Neville." She said, semi interrupting him.

"I'm sorry, Hermione."

"That's alright really. I'm sure I'll find _somebody_."

After two hours, she had found nobody. She sat in the common room for a few minutes feeling sorry for herself, but then decided that she didn't need anyone to go with her.

She'd go by herself.

Dressing herself in warmer clothes, she pulled on a scarf.

Her hair was rather tame today, making her smile.

She wanted to look into the Tomes and Scrolls store and see if they had any new books. Usually they'd get a few new volumes in that would pique her interest. The boys never wanted to go in there, annoyed that she always took too long.

Hermione had also heard that Madame Puddifoot had a new exquisite green tea. The thought of stumbling into that ridiculous frilly store made Hermione groan, but she absolutely loved green tea.

After she was dressed, she said a quick goodbye to Harry and Ron, who were now geared up for practice and left.

The air outside had a bite to it. Hermione held her shoulders, moving her hair about so it didn't whip about her face. She breathed in the fresh air, and relished in the wind that whipped at her face.

She began her trek to the little village.

While walking, she noticed that not many students had decided to visit Hogsmeade that day. It was still rather early, maybe they were waiting for later?

Shrugging it off, Hermione finally got to Hogsmeade, smelling the Hogs Head cooking something that smelled rather divine. She needed to stop in there before she left.

Hermione started to see more students now, they were weaving in and out of the shops, some in Honeydukes, some scampering into the Three Broomsticks.

The bookstore itself was completely vacant. That was fine with Hermione. She stopped to breath in the smell of older books, and looked around to see if any of the displays held anything interesting. Walking around one display, she noticed that there was a black book that read: The life and death of Edgar Allen Poe.

A muggle author?

Odd.

She loved Edgar Allen Poe, she admitted he was a little dark, and a little strange, but he was so different than anything else she had ever read. Plucking up the book, she looked at the price.

It was right in her range. Smiling, she went over to purchase the tome and smiled at the store keeper.

"Ah. This is a rather good book. I had one other student pick it up today, but he decided to stay and read it."

"Well, he has good taste." She said to him, looking around to see if she could find the student.

'He must be in the back.'

Stepping to the side, she glanced in the back of the store, she could slightly see blonde hair around the corner.

Malfoy?! He was reading a muggle author?

Hermione drew her package off of the counter, she stayed still for a moment, wondering if she should rub the fact that Malfoy was reading a Muggle author in his face.

 _Definitely_.

She moved quietly towards him. He seemed very engrossed in the pages.

"Hello there, Malfoy."

The Slytherin tensed, and looked up, observing the pest that interrupted his reading.

"Granger. To what do I owe this displeasure?" He asked her in a bored tone.

Smiling a little bit, she walked around to where she was facing him now.

"I saw the piece of literature you were reading. I just wanted to see how you were liking it. I really enjoy the author myself and I thou-"

"Granger." He snapped. "What makes you think I want to discuss anything with you?"

Her smile grew a little wider. "Well, because, you're reading a muggle author."

His look did not wither. There was no evidence of shock, or anything of the sort on his face.

"Yes, Granger, I'm aware of that fact. Anything else?"

The smile faded from her face.

He knew that?

Didn't it bother him?

"I know why you came over here Granger, you wanted to shove that little piece of information in my face huh? You wanted to get one over on me, is that right?"

Silence. She was _stunned_ into silence.

"B-But, you hate mug-"

Interrupting her, he stood up and tucked the book under his arm. "I've gotten over the fact that he's a muggle Granger, he's a brilliant writer. So, if you're quite done making a fool of yourself, why don't you run back to Potter and Weasley."

At that, he turned around and walked to the front of the store, leaving.

Hermione still stood there in silence.

* * *

After the little scene in the bookstore, Hermione went over to Honeydukes. She picked up some chocolate frogs, and grabbed some jelly beans. Ron loved these. The thought of buying this gift for Ron made her face flush.

The last place she wanted to visit was Madame Puttifoots. Upon getting to the shop, she stopped to look at all the frilly lace in the window. Ugh.

Taking a breath, she opened the door, the first thing she noticed was a couple in the back, snogging.

Turning her nose up, she went to the front, scanning the little menu that hung above the sweets in the glass display. She noticed the tea that she was looking for. It was a tea from China that had Cinnamon, Cardamom, and Ginger.

That sounded absolutely fantastic.

"Good afternoon dear. What can I help you with?" The madame asked her.

"Yes. Hello. I'll take a pot of the Spiced Green tea, please?" Gathering out her money, she set it on the wood in front of her.

"Good choice dear. That's been selling like crazy."

Hermione smiled and moved the bags that she had onto her left shoulder.

Towards the end of her transaction, the madame was starting to look at her oddly.

"Are you waiting on someone, dear?"

"No. It's just me."

The madame furrowed her eyebrows, "Oh. I'm sorry, this shop is just for couples."

Hermione scowled at her. She couldn't be serious? Suddenly, the shop door opened and in walked Malfoy.

What?

For some stupid reason, the words slipped out of Hermione's mouth before she could stop them.

"He's with me." She said. Almost wanting to slap herself for saying something so idiotic. Malfoy must have heard because now _he_ was looking at her like she was a complete halfwit.

And at that moment, she was.

* * *

He was glaring at her over his tea, and she pretended to not notice.

"Granger." He started.

"Yes, I know, I'm stupid."

"I'm glad you're starting to agree with everyone, Mudblood."

Ignoring his rude comment, she enjoyed her green tea. It was absolutely splendid, and she would not let this little... _setback_ ruin it.

"I think it's foolish that you can only come in here if you're a part of a couple. Not _everyone_ has a significant other."

Smirking, he put down his cup, "Or _will_ ever have one."

Glowering, she set hers down as well. "Is that all you know how to do? Don't you know how to have a conversation with someone without resorting to mockery?"

Shrugging, he sneered, "You're not exactly my idea of 'good company' Granger, and you're the one who got us into this situation."

"You're more than welcome to leave. Actually, I'd prefer it if you did. " She snapped, wanting to slap him.

"I can't, not until you do."

"Oh please, believe me, I'm perfectly capable of escorting myself ou-"

"It's not because I want to sit here with you, you dumb girl."

Hermione glared and raised her eyebrow, "Enlighten me as to why you won't vacate my sight then."

Rolling his eyes, he leaned back in his chair, arms folded. "I never thought I'd see the day where the know-it-all Granger didn't _know_ something."

Silence.

Whatever.

"Well, mudblood, Madame Pudifoot was not a looker in her younger years, she went out to meet a wizard, who was trying to court her. In meeting at a little pub, he saw her, and left her there. So now, there is a ward on the shop where the couple that comes in, _has_ to leave together."

"How absolutely vile. But, I still don't understand why she _only_ serves couples though."

Shrugging, he picked up his cup, "Maybe because she's a hopeless romantic."

"Well, Malfoy, how exactly did you plan to be in here alone, since you know her backstory?"

A dark sneer crossed his face, and he twirled his wand. "Well, Granger, I have this little thing I like to call _magic_."

Spluttering, Hermione slammed her cup down.

"T-That's illegal, Malfoy!"

"No Granger, what that old bat is doing should be considered _illegal_ , I'm just merely, making her _change_ her mind."

"It's the same thing." Hermione said, clenching her hands into fists.

"I don't use the Imperius curse, Granger."

Silence.

"Then how? I don't believe you."

"I didn't expect you to, and I don't care if you do or not."

Why was he always so defensive?

Silence.

The Gryffindor remembered back to where he caught her eavesdropping, it really was out of her character to do something so rude, even to someone like Malfoy.

"Um...I-" Hermione started, trying to find her words.

Malfoy raised a brow.

"I just wanted to apologize for my actions a few days ago. I shouldn't have spied on you."

Silence.

"I don't need your fake apology, Granger."

"It's not fake." Hermione said to him, staring at his facial expression. It wasn't what she expected it to be. Usually, his tone was mocking towards her, but now, he seemed tired, his grey eyes soft.

"Why is it so hard to believe that I could be sorry for wronging you, Malfoy?" She whispered to him, a little hurt by his comment.

He stared at her for a moment, and set his cup down.

Silence.

"What tea did you get?" He asked her, rather softly.

"The green tea."

"Hm."

That was the last thing they said to one another.

 

Leave me some feedback!

Love, 

H.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Any fool can criticize, condemn, complain, and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.** _

* * *

After Hermione had returned from Hogsmeade, she felt even more confused than ever. Draco hadn't mocked her after she said she was serious about the apology.

Maybe he was sick?

Maybe _she_ was sick.

Or mental.

After she settled into the common room, she pulled out her Edgar Allen Poe bibliography and started to read. Getting lost in the book was just what she needed after another long and confusing day.

About an hour later, she was almost done with the book when the door pushed open and in stepped Ron and Harry, both laughing, both extremely dirty.

Hermione raised an eyebrow at their appearances. Had they been rolling around on the Quidditch Pitch?

"Hey Mione." Ron said to her, winking.

"Ronald. I have told you a thousand times not to call me that. It sounds completely juvenile."

He harrumphed and turned a shoulder to her.

"Try-outs were amazing Hermione! We'll have such a great team this year." Harry told her excitedly.

"And guess who's a new keeper, Hermione." Ron said to her, sitting on one of the couches.

"Your guess is as good as mine." She said, raising an eyebrow at his goofy expression.

"Well me of course!" Ron exclaimed, giving Harry a high five.

Hermione beamed at him, she moved to hug him, but slunk back, smelling his attire.

"After you _shower_ , Ronald, I'll give you a hug."

The boys laughed, and told her all about the days events.

Hermione was engrossed in their stories, but at the back of her mind she noticed that they not once asked about her day. She was used to the boys showing no interest in reading, or literature, but she just felt like, if she could pretend to care about their sport...couldn't they do the same?

* * *

"We'll go to Hogsmeade tomorrow, Hermione." Ron said to her as they sat at dinner.

"Well, I have a gift for you both upstairs." Hermione said to her friends, "And I'm not going to Hogsmeade again tomorrow, Ronald, I have some homework to start, and _so_ do you." She pointed her fork at him.

"It's the weekend Hermione, Merlin don't you ever stop studying?"

Shaking her head, she dug into her Shepherds Pie.

* * *

Tomorrow came with sunshine.

Harry and Ron loved their gifts, she assumed they would. Ron had bit into a vomit flavored jelly bean after Dinner and well, he saw his own food again. Hermione couldn't help but to laugh at him, and Harry joined in with her. The events of the day had drifted from her mind, until, she had climbed in bed.

And then, it all came back.

Hermione was alone now, the boys and the rest of Gryffindor had made their way down to Hogsmeade after breakfast.

The library was calling to her.

Towards the library, Hermione heard some whispering down the end of the corridor. She stopped and strained to hear what was being said.

Then, she remembered the last time she had eavesdropped. Deciding not to relive that embarrassing moment, she poked her head around, and saw two smaller kids looking at something, worry on their faces.

Hermione adjusted her satchel and walked over to their prone figures.

"What's wrong?" She asked the first year Hufflepuffs.

"Um, h-he's we don't know if he's alright." They pointed at a snoozing student who had nestled himself in one of the alcoves.

Malfoy?

Why was he sleeping in the corridors? A trickle of concern washed over her.

Strange.

She turned and smiled at them, touching their shoulders tenderly, "He's fine, I'll take care of it alright. I know him."

Suddenly, she noticed the girl who looked afraid was the one who had gotten the potatoes thrown on her.

She looked like she wanted to say something. Hermione raised an eyebrow, softening her voice.

"Are you alright? He didn't do anything to you two did he?"

The younger girl shook her head, "No. He actually is nice to me. H-He apologized to me after some of his classmates threw potatoes all over my hair."

Hermione felt her heart skip a beat.

Malfoy, apologize? Seemed very unlikely, but why would the girl lie?

"I'll help him, I promise."

They both nodded, turned and hurriedly walked away.

After they were out of hearing distance, Hermione turned to the slumbering Slytherin. She honestly didn't know what to do. Should she wake him up? She looked over him, noticing the bags under his eyes.

Insomnia.

She needed to make sure to note that.

She couldn't just leave him sleeping in the corridor, what if a teacher found him, or Peeves?

Sighing, she wished she could have walked away.

Going over, she stood a little away from him and knelt down, sitting on her haunches.

"Malfoy..."

Nothing.

"Malfoy..."

Nothing.

Rolling her eyes, she took her wand and jabbed him in the arm.

That elicited a response.

He tensed so hard, Hermione was scared he had pulled something. Out of nowhere he had his wand in his hand and her pinned against the floor.

"M-Malfoy. I-It's me, Hermione Granger." She was rather afraid as his hand clutched her wrist and held it against the stone floor. Her brown eyes were wide with panic, seeing his own eyes alight with anger.

And a bit of fear.

The foreign emotion that flickered through his irises made her gasp.

Fear?

Why fear?

He released her suddenly, glaring down at her.

"Damnit, Granger, what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"

To in shock to answer, Hermione pulled herself away from him.

Malfoy was glowering down at her, making her want to disappear.

"I-I.."

His nostrils flared as a dark look passed his features, he crossed his arms and waited on her to continue. "Are you following me Granger? What the hell are you doing here again?!"

"Look!" She yelled, climbing to her feet finally, she curled her hands into fists. "I wasn't the one who found you here, there were others but I told them to leave you alone!"

"Why should I believe that? Are you spying for Potter?"

His eyes then took on a crazy look as he started to unleash his anger on her.

"Why would I be spying for Harry?"

Rolling his eyes, he started to pace, "Because you Gryffindors are infamous for sticking your noses in things that have _nothing_ to do with you!"

"W-What are you talking about?! You are blowing up on me for absolutely no reason, Malfoy!"

Stopping, he turned his venomous glare to her again.

Hermione wasn't backing down, keeping her footing, she pressed on.

"What is wrong with you Malfoy? It's rather odd that you're sleeping in corridors."

Silence.

"What's going on Malfoy?" Her voice lowered. "You can tell me. I promise I won't tell anybody."

He looked absolutely murderous by this point, advancing on her, he shoved her against the wall, gripping her chin.

Gasping in shock, Hermione couldn't help but to look into the stormy pools of grey that were glowering down at her.

"Don't pretend to care about my well-being mudblood. Just because we were cordial once, doesn't mean we're best friends. I still hate you, _you_ and your know-it-all ways, sticking your nose in my _business_."

Hermione shook her head, trying to disagree with him, but not having the ability to do so. "I'm _not_ spying on you Malfoy."

"Tell it to someone who believes you." He said, then let her go.

Hermione touched her flesh, feeling the tender flesh throb with pain.

She glared at him, tightening her grip on her wand.

"You manhandle me again Malfoy, you'll regret it, do you understand?" She said to him, venom in her own voice.

He smirked, looking at her as if he didn't care.

The Gryffindor was still bothered over the little bags that lay below his eyes, she knew that something was wrong with him. Staring as he turned, and left her there, she wondered if he _would_ or _could_ ever truly hurt her.

* * *

Monday was upon her now. Double Potions was first today, with the Slytherins.

Ugh.

The trio trudged to the dungeons, wondering how this class was going to go.

"Hopefully Snape isn't in one of his terrible moods." Harry said, shifting his satchel around.

"Ronald. Did you ever get his paper done?"

The red-head flushed and then shook his head.

Hermione sighed, and lowered her eyes at him, "Ron. You know you're going to fail his class if you don't start getting serious don't you?"

Ron shrugged his shoulder, "I don't like Potions Hermione, I'm not good at them. I'm not as brilliant as you."

"It's not about being brilliant Ron, thank you for the compliment though, but it's about _trying_ and paying attention."

Ron was about to retaliate, when Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy walked around the corner.

Great.

"What have we got here?" Crabbe nudged Goyle, pointing at the three friends. Malfoy seemed disinterested.

"It's the mudblood with her boyfriends." Goyle responded, laughing with the other burly boy.

"Watch your mouth, you big buffoon." Ron grit out through clenched teeth.

Hermione wasn't paying attention to the two goons beside the blonde-haired boy, but rather to the boy himself, he seemed annoyed, but at who, she wasn't sure. His 'friends' kept on laughing and making asinine jokes.

Suddenly, Malfoy turned and told them to shut up. At that, he walked in the classroom, leaving his accomplices behind to wonder what his problem was.

Yes, what was his problem, when had Malfoy ever missed an opportunity to mock Hermione and her friends?

Strange. She needed to remember to add that to his ever growing list.

Snape was in another terrible mood.

Poor Neville.

Hermione would cringe every time Neville added in a wrong ingredient, Snape was on him in a millisecond.

After they had brewed a fairly easy beginning potion, they cleaned up and sat back in their seats.

Snape's black eyes scoured the students, drifting a long the seats.

"It humors me that you dunderheads think that we are done. How laughable.."

Usually, when the Professor cracked a joke the Slytherins would chuckle, but they weren't laughing now, they didn't even seem to be breathing now, mostly because they were not lucky enough to dodge his wrath.

He was channeling it to everybody.

"The next Potion we will be brewing is The Elixir to Introduce Euphoria. As you have been reading and writing this report I gave you days ago, I hope your tiny minds have absorbed some of the information."

Silence.

"You'll be partnering up for this one. Lucky for you, I get to choose your partners."

The class groaned.

"Silence!" Snape yelled.

And silence was instilled.

* * *

Great.

Why couldn't she get away from him?

It was like fate wanted to push them together, so they could off the other. Hermione was starting to get really aggravated at fate, either she'd kill him, or he would kill her.

She felt him glaring daggers at the side of her face.

"Malfoy. Can we just get this over with?"

Silence.

"Okay." Hermione said, scanning the page, her finger trailing a long the words. "It says to add Shrivelfig to the water." She picked up the little fruit like substance and dropped it into the mix.

Malfoy looked down at his own instructions.

Porcupine Quills.

He dropped them in, then sat back in his chair, waiting on Hermione to continue.

"Okay, now...we stir it four times counter clockwise."

She started to turn the ladle for times to the left, still reading up on the potion. She had written quite the report on this said substance, it was rather fascinating, when drank, it gives the drinker a sense of happiness.

"Okay, now we add a sprig of peppermint." She stopped stirring, sitting back in her chair, glancing over in his direction.

His pale hand threw in the little sprig, the liquid bubbling.

Snape walked over to the pair, looking into the concoction, looking up, he raised an eyebrow, glared at both of them, then walked away.

They must be doing it right then.

"Now, chopped up Sopophorous beans." She said, tossing them in.

"Granger. Do you think we can complete this in silence. I know what goes in the potion, I'm not Longbottom."

She looked over at him, he looked so unhappy.

"Malfoy. Why are you always so unpleasant? You need to get a hobby."

That took him aback a little, "A..what?"

"A hobby. It's what we muggles and muggleborns do when we're bored and miserable."

Glaring, he sat up straighter, "I'm not miserable."

Snorting, she stirred the potion a little.

"If you have something to add to that Granger, go ahead and do so."

Side-eying him, she cleared her throat.

" _I_ think you are extremely miserable Malfoy, I think you are just so unhappy. Maybe daddy couldn't send you the latest broom."

" _Don't_ talk about my father Granger, you and the Golden boy over there were the ones who landed him in Azkaban."

Oh, so that's what his problem was.

"Malfoy. Your father landed _himself_ in Azkaban. He was extremely close to getting one of us killed."

The words stopped him cold, he didn't move, and didn't respond to her comment.

Shockingly.

Turning back to the potion, he dropped in wormwood, and leaned back to cross his arms across his chest.

She had won, but she didn't feel like she had...

His eyes were cold.

Distant.

Empty.

Hermione stirred the potion six times counter clockwise, finishing it. Raising her hand, she got Professor Snape's attention.

Walking over to them, he glanced down in the cauldron. "The color is right, it's bubbling at the right consistency. Now all you have to do is test it."

Uh.

She looked at the blonde-haired boy, not wanting to ask him.

"Give it here, the sooner I'm away from you, the better." He said, holding his hand out.

Hermione poured the substance into a vial, and handed it to him.

Chugging it back, he waited...

Suddenly, a smile broke out on his face, and he turned to her. Hermione was taken aback at his gleeful expression, it was so unlike him.

"M-Malfoy?"

"What is it? You know what Granger. I want to go flying. Do you like flying?"

The classroom was starting to stare at him, little giggles filling the air.

Snape stopped walking in front of the two and raised his hands. "This is the final form of the Euphoria Elixir, properly brewed that is."

Hermione smiled at Malfoy, who was smiling at her.

It was about time.

A few minutes went by a long with a few very odd stories, and suddenly, while Hermione was talking to Malfoy about a joke, when his eyes started to well up with tears.

"M-Malfoy?" Hermione questioned.

Malfoy swiped at his eyes, but the tears kept on coming. Looking up at her, he was horrified.

Suddenly, there was laughing behind her. Ron was pointing at the blonde, his face red.

Hermione didn't know what was going on, the potion was not supposed to be doing that.

Malfoy started to sob, putting his hand in front of his eyes.

Hermione didn't know what to do, she quickly looked at the book, and saw in horrid realization that intense crying, after the happy high was an after effect.

The whole class, excluding some of the Slytherins were laughing.

Hermione grabbed his hand, and removed it from his eyes, she touched his shoulder, feeling it shake roughly.

A voice echoed through the room, "Maybe he's crying over his daddy!"

Hermione gasped, and looked up to who might have said that. Ron and Harry were still besides themselves with laughter.

Snape yelled at everybody to be silent.

"Malfoy. Come on. Come with me." She said to him softly, grabbing his hand, she lifted him out of the chair.

He was starting to sniffle, tears still running down his eyes.

As they were getting out of the classroom, one of the Gryffindors stuck out their foot, tripping Malfoy, making him stumble.

Hermione turned around in shock, looking at the display, she rushed to Malfoy, lifting him up from one of the desks.

She glowered at the student, "What do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"He gets what he deserves, Granger. You know it as well as I."

"So your best solution is to kick him while he's down?"

"Why not, he does it to everyone else."

Glaring, she pointed her finger in his face, "Yeah, well that makes you no better than he is."

Silence.

Turning, she glared at the class. She then turned back, took Malfoy's hand, and steered him into the corridor.

He was starting to calm down now, the tears still leaking from his eyes.

The sight made Hermione's heart flutter, he looked like a lost child. She touched his arm gingerly, waiting for him to snap on her.

Silence.

He took a shuddering breath, his eyes burning. Looking up at the girl who pulled him from anymore humiliation, his grey eyes clashed with hers.

"Thank you." He mumbled.

Hermione let go of his arm, her hand falling to her side.

"It's nothing, Malfoy."

They stood like that for a few minutes, the silence infiltrating the air around them.


	5. Chapter 5

_**"We sail within a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end."** _

_**-Blaise Pascal** _

* * *

After what conspired between her and Malfoy in Potions, he had gone immensely cold towards her. When they were partnered up now, which seemed very frequently lately, he'd make a snappy remark, then wholly ignore her for the rest of the time together.

She didn't get it.

He was very strange.

His appearance did change though, he looked more pale, and drastically under nourished.

Hermione was starting to get a little concerned for his well-being.

Her, Ron, and Harry had gotten into little bit of an argument after Potions the day that Draco had his meltdown in the middle of the classroom.

**_After Potions class:_ **

_Hermione was facing forward at the table in the Great Hall, stabbing her fork into some pineapple chunks._

_Ron plopped himself beside her, Harry taking the seat across from her._

_They seemed to be in good moods._

_"We'll never let the ferret live that one down." Ron said, grabbing a plate, and scooping some chicken onto the platter._

_Silence._

_The boys looked at her, both of them curious as to why she wasn't saying anything._

_"Why'd you help Malfoy out in Potions Hermione? You know he deserved to be lau_ ghed _at._ "  _Ron said to her, chuckling._

_Silence._

_Harry said nothing to her, suddenly feeling the air turn thick with her irritation._

_She was about to unleash._

_Poor Ron._

_"Hello?" Ron said, waving his hand in front of her face._

_That did it._

_"Do you need something, Ronald!" She asked, exasperated._

_"Blimey, you don't have to act completely barmy!"_

_Flinging her fork down, she turned to completely face him._

_"I didn't laugh at Malfoy because why stoop to his level? Why not show a little bit of compassion towards another human being, instead of walking all over them?"_

_"Strange, cause I thought that's what he did to us! Why are you defending him all of a sudden?" Ron snapped back at her._

_"Oh yes Ronald, that's really mature of you. I have an idea, why don't you and Harry go back to the Quidditch pitch and fly on your bloody brooms, cause that's the only thing you two will ever understand!"_

_And, the last question, well she wouldn't justify his accusation covered up by that stupid question by giving him a response._

_Silence._

_Hermione gathered her belongings so quickly, she made half of her food, and pumpkin juice clatter onto the floor._

* * *

Hermione sighed and laid her head down on the library table that she was sitting at. How and _when_ had everything become so confusing for her? When had she decided to change her thinking towards Malfoy?

The Draco Malfoy that walked around now, was a shadow of himself. He was always acting fidgety, secretive. He would disappear, and stumble into odd places.

He was never around his 'friends' anymore either. After what had happened in Potions class, a lot of the Slytherins had wanted nothing to do with him. The thought alone made Hermione squirm, the boy was all by himself now.

When she had taken notice of his physical state, she started to watch him a little on the Marauders Map.

And he acted strangely on there as well.

In some ways, she was following him, but just to make sure that he was alright.

Something was wrong. She knew it, she could _feel_ it.

Closing her eyes, she remembered his face as he cried in the classroom, and the feeling she had when he started to sob.

 _Guilt_.

 _Sympathy_.

The sympathy she felt for him had consumed her.

She closed her eyes, the only thing she saw was the grey of his eyes..

 

Draco limped to the bushes, apparating back within the grounds of Hogwarts. As he felt the nausea hit his stomach, he had barely enough time to stop flailing, before he got sick all over the roses beside the gate.

As he retched, he held the bleeding wound against his belly.

His _punishment_.

The world was starting to spin around him, he managed to make it a few paces before he collapsed, feeling the dewy grass lay against his face.

Silence.

He let go of his wound, wishing...

 _Wishing_...

Then, blackness.

 

Hermione woke up that Friday morning to an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Something was wrong.

What was it though?

She had checked her homework, she had studied for every test. But, she couldn't pinpoint the strange feeling that continued to curl itself into her stomach.

At breakfast, Ron and Harry chatted about the upcoming Quidditch game against Slytherin and Ravenclaw. Hermione was half-way listening to them, the strong uneasy feeling pulling at her gut some more.

Tension.

A static shock hit her, and she turned, as if in slow motion, she faced the Slytherin table and raked her eyes for blonde-hair.

 _Nothing_.

He was not there.

Something was definitely wrong.

Turning back to the boys, they were still talking about their upcoming game.

Hermione wished she could have left the situation alone, but the nagging feeling was starting to eat away at her. Closing her eyes, she swung her feet over the bench and excused herself.

She bolted back up to the Gryffindor common room, halting at the portrait, she breathlessly mumbled the password.

In fifth year, due to so many of Harry's nightmares, Hermione had managed to get the password to the boys side of the commons out of her friends. Stopping at the picture, it was that of a male lion, his snout stuck in the air.

"Chocolate frogs." She said.

Growling, the lion flicked his tale, but opened his door for her, growling as she stepped inside.

Darting in, she ran to Harry's bed, lifted his mattress, and grabbed out the Marauders Map.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." She said to the paper, breathlessly, touching it with her wand.

The words started to appear on the pages, and she flipped it open.

Hermione watched as she saw that most of the students were still sitting in the Great Hall. Her eyes trailed past them, looking for the words _Draco Malfoy_..

Minutes later, after scanning and re-scanning, she finally found his name.

It was so faint that she could hardly see it.

Not good.

He was located at the front of the entrance to Hogwarts.

"Mischief managed."

She was quickly darting a long the corridors, trying to get to one of the exits. Deciding to take the bell-tower exit, she pointed her wand at it, and it opened and closed without a sound.

When her feet hit the ground, she bounded towards the end of the wooden bridge-way. Turning to the right, she started to run in the direction of the gate.

Winded and out of breath, she was stumbling upon it now. Stopping, she pointed her wand at the gate, muttering the incantation needed to see the metal.

She started poking in the bushes, watching her feet in case she stepped on something.

Suddenly, she saw him.

Gasping. She dropped beside his prone form.

Blood coated his entire front.

"Malfoy!" She gasped.

Nothing.

"Oh Merlin. Malfoy!" 

Putting two shaky fingers to his neck, she had to move them around twice to finally find a pulse.

She turned him on his back, startled at how pale he was. He had been out there for a good while, and it was nothing short of a miracle that he hadn't bled out yet.

The wind was starting to pick up around them now. He was on the brink of death, and she didn't know what to do.

Why had he been out here?

Was he...?

 _Did_ he...?

Looking down in horrid realization, she suddenly figured out what he was probably trying to do.

"M-Malfoy." She cried, feeling the tears well up in her eyes.

Pulling her wand over his body, she started to mumble a healing spell.

Losing so much blood, she knew what he would need was a blood replenishing potion.

Professor Snape.

Hermione could see a little bit of color flood his face, now that his wound on his stomach was healing properly. Biting her lip, her fingers were shaking, if he didn't have the potion soon, his body would give out.

Raising her wand, she pointed it to the sky.

She remembered back to when her and her parents had gone to a Christmas village when she was littler, and she had sat on Santa's lap. She then proceeded to ask him a million questions, making the old man laugh.

The memory flooded her, "Expecto Patronum!"

Her little otter danced out of her wand, stopping in front of her.

"P-Please. Get Professor Snape!"

Minutes flew by, Hermione tried to get him away from the sharp Rose bushes, by pulling him into some sunlight. Shuffling him over, she stopped when she heard a slight groan.

Kneeling down immediately, she looked for a pulse again, touching his pale face gently.

"Malfoy?" She questioned, hardly believing that he woken up.

His pale eyes cracked open. Hardly.

"Gr-"

"M-Malfoy?" She tried again.

But he stopped talking, shutting his eyes again.

Suddenly, before she questioned him once more, she saw out of the corner of her eyes that a black-cloaked figure was moving quickly towards her.

Professor Snape.

Stopping at the teenagers, he looked down at his students.

"Sir. _Please_ , he's lost a lot of blood. We must help him!" Hermione shakily told the older wizard, her fingers caked in dried blood, the metallic smell floating into her nostrils.

Professor Snape pointed his wand at the boy, his own eyes wide, levitating him gently off the ground.

"Miss Granger, you've done well with closing his wounds. Now, I'll take it from here. Understood? And do not speak of this incident to anyone. I mean _nobody_." He growled.

"Y-Yes sir." She mumbled quietly, numbly.

Nodding, he turned around and hurriedly made his way back to the school, saying nothing else to her as the broken boy floated in the air beside him. 

After he was gone from her sight, she looked down at her hands, they were _covered_ in Malfoy's blood. A rolling in her stomach made her gag, and she made it to a bush before she retched up her small breakfast.

The gaping wound in his stomach was at the forefront of her minds eye.

What was he thinking?!

 _Why_ had he done it?

Tears rolled down her nose, and fell upon the grass. Sitting down, she drew her knees up to her chin, letting out a little sob.

 

Hermione wasn't going to classes today, she couldn't focus on anything. Nothing besides what was happening to Malfoy at this very moment. 

She laid in bed all day, numbly staring out the window, her body still shaking from this morning's events. Since she had been up in her room, she had vomited twice, her hands still stained from the blood that had dried and settled on her hands. 

The thought that he had  _purposely_ done that was enough to send her into hysterics, and she wondered vaguely if she should tell Madame Pomfrey about what she had been witnessing about him recently. 

His insomnia, and near starvation. 

The boys themselves, would _not_ stop questioning her on what her problem was. It was starting to wear on the last bit of her already frayed nerves.

By the end of the day, the Quidditch game was dawning on them.

Hermione was surrounded by a million questions by now, and she couldn't take it anymore. Closing her eyes, she decided to push herself up from the mattress.

Ginny was pulling on her sweater, smiling when the brunette climbed out of her mass of pillows.

"I guess you're feeling better then, huh Hermione?" She asked her friend.

Hermione nodded, knowing she was lying, and suddenly felt her head start to pound.

Sighing, she looked outside, feeling nauseous again.

 

Ron wasn't lying when he said the Ravenclaw's team had gotten better. She watched as they spun their brooms around expertly, catching quaffle after quaffle before it got through their goal post.

The stampede of Gryffindor's started screaming for the Ravenclaws, clapping their hands. Hermione felt her headache pulse against her temple, not wanting to be anywhere near this game right now.

She looked about, distracted from the fast players of the game momentarily. The green of Slytherin caught her eyes, and she scanned the seats for blonde hair.

She doubted he'd be there, after almost standing on deaths door.

And there's no way he would be playing the game right now with his teammates.

But she was _wrong_.

He _was_ there, standing beside Professor Snape, who had his hand clapped on the students shoulder. He was still immensely pale, dark bags under his grey eyes.

Hermione was walking forward before she even realized her feet were moving, totally entranced by him being there, planting her hands on the railing of the stands.

"M-Malfoy." She said, it coming out as a scratchy whisper against the screaming. Her brown eyes were wide, not believing that he was across the way from her, standing, not a bruise on his face.

 _Nothing_.

Tears filled her eyes.

Why was she crying?

Wiping her eyes roughly in confusion, she breathed out, trying to find her calm center.

The roar of the crowd was drowning out her thinking though, and she snapped her head back up when she heard the point buzzer go off.

Ravenclaw had stopped a quaffle and made their own goal.

She clapped, softly, her mind not in the right place.

She had gone mental.

But, she couldn't look back now, she was too far gone. She had been too far gone when she noticed the emotions in those grey depths. She cursed Malfoy and cursed herself in that moment.

Looking over at the Slytherin stands again, her heart started to smash against her rib-cage when she realized those eyes were staring right at her.

They widened as she stared at him, his Adams apple bobbing. Hermione backed up, getting lost in the crowd again.

Another thunderous applause rocked the stands, but Hermione didn't feel it.

She felt _nothing_.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

As the game ended, and the students filed out of the stands, Hermione was being jostled around. Her mind was clouded over, her headache starting to make its way to her entire head now.

An overly excited teen suddenly smashed into her, making her trip and hit the ground hard.

Her knee and the palms of her hands caught the fall mostly.

Sucking in a breath of pain, she felt a hand on her arm, pulling her upward. Glancing up to say thank you to the kind person who stopped to help her, she realized it was Draco Malfoy. His eyes were cold, distant.

His iron grip tightened.

As the crowd started to fizzle out, he got her off the ground, and steered her away from the chaos.

Hermione had a very strange feeling in the pit of her stomach as he walked her off, far away from the crowd.

He stopped in front of the Black lake. Letting go of her arm, he propped himself against one of the trees, laying his head against the bark.

She rubbed the tender spot on her bicep, noting another bruise forming.

Silence.

And suddenly, after staring at his prone figure, she was very angry.

Why would he?

Storming over to him, she stood in front of him.

His eyes were distant.

"Why, Malfoy?" Her voice choked with emotion.

His grey eyes bit into her.

"Answer me." She whispered, feeling the tears build in her eyes.

Silence.

His eyes were betraying him though as they melded into hers.

"Why would you do something so...so _foolish_?" And she bit her lip, trying to remain firm.

Silence.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Granger."

Ice.

His steely resolve was crumbling though.

"You're lying to me." She said to him.

Silence.

"We both know I found you this morning."

He flinched a little bit.

"Why did you do it Malfoy? What did you think it would _accomplish_?" She demanded, fisting her hands into her sides.

Silence.

He didn't have to answer to her, this girl that knew _nothing_ about him.

Turning around, he started to walk away.

Hermione was not having it though. Gliding forward, she grabbed his shoulder.

"No. I'm not letting you run away this time!"

She spun him to face her, her excusatory glaring into his.

His own eyes were angry as they pierced into hers. "Damnit, Granger, don't _pretend_ like you give a bloody damn about me. Let go of my arm!"

She felt the tears gathering, her compassion, her fear, her anger towards him winning over her steely front.

"I can't let a person who tried to commit _suicide_ go!" She bellowed.

Draco was stunned.

Suicide?

That's what she thought?

Oh.

For some reason, she started to cry. It shocked him, why was she so concerned about him? He had over the years picked on and called her a mudblood mercilessly. Why did she care now?

It confused him immensely.

"Granger. Just...just leave it be."

"I can't." She mumbled, wiping her eyes. "Can't you see that I-I've _tried_ , but I _can't_ do that." She said to him, sniffling.

Draco remembered back to that night when he had told the Dark Lord that he had no new information, and no success with his task.

He had been punished severely.

Closing his stormy eyes, he noticed her hand was trembling on his bicep.

"Malfoy. _Please_...tell me what's wrong."

It was a plea.

But..

 _No_.

He couldn't.

He could never confide in her, they were too different, two people on completely opposite sides.

His eyes growing steely again, he plucked her hand off of him, moving a few paces back.

But...he couldn't deny that she _had_ helped him, in class, this morning, everything was starting to get very _complicated_.

Hermione bit her lip, feeling her tears trickling without her permission again.

"Mudblood."

That word was like a slap to her face.

"You will not tell anyone about this morning, or you will regret it. Do you understand me?"

Silence.

At that last threat, Malfoy turned and left her by the banks of the water.

And he felt lost.

Completely, and totally lost.


End file.
